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I write a lot. Every seconds, every hours, every day, every month. But I realize you won't come back.


Be Close - Entry from Drawkcab

'Relaku menunggumu seribu tahun lama lagi, tapi benarkah hidup aku kan selama ini.'

When you're gone, I died a little bit inside.
I miss him almost every night. I think about him a lot when I messed up, when I'm alone and feeling sad. It's like a habit, like drinking coffee in the morning. I stare at the only picture of him that I left as a reminder so I won't forget his face.

Have you ever falling so hard and doesn't want to stand up from the fall. You want to be at the same spot. Even the person you are falling for, left you, alone. At some point, there will always come one or two person who give their hands, want to help you back up on your feet. But you know the feeling will not be the same. So you afraid to hold them and just sit there helplessly.

But when you do, people let you down. It is not worth the effort. It's hard enough for you to get back up and people just easily ignoring and shut you down. It sucks to be in this position. Life seems unfair and you started to give up in trusting people. You started to think that you will not find the one true person who will help you all through. You will never be the same.

I am not yet moving on. I miss you so much, it's getting tired. There's a moment, I lied to myself, said that you never left. You just there in the distance somewhere, working so hard and damn busy, doesn't have the time to talk to me but deep down I know you always think of me like I do everyday and you will come back someday. It's been almost three years now, I'm staying here knowing that you're not gonna come back again. But why am I still waiting? Why you're so far away?

It'll be lot easier if you're here with me, now.
People are mean to me. I need you.

Please, promise you'll sit close next to me every second.

Watch over me in the distance, somewhere.


Time, you are a liar

I can't tame heart
can't convince time to remember me

but it's hurt
we live in that

roses and peanut butter
sweet smile and knife
a murderer i am
to myself

stop cheating me
you said you will heal me
but there's nothing change
not even emotion